Oh, the irony of life…

I have had a couple of part time employment possibilities present themselves.  One is a babysitting job and I don’t know if I’ll be the “chosen” one, or not…I met the parents and children, yesterday, and we talked for almost an hour.  I emailed them, later that afternoon, to thank them for visiting with me, but I haven’t heard anything.  They need someone for Saturday, so I would imagine I will hear something (or nothing), in the next couple of days.  The good thing about the job is that they will pay at least $15/hour, and, I love kids…that’s really BEEN my job, for the past 9 years.  So, while I’m hopeful about it, I’m also guarded in being optimistic because “you just never know”.  On the other hand, I met with someone, this morning, about doing house cleaning for he and his wife.  I was a bit apprehensive…thinking maybe they would have one of those  ”hoarder” homes, but, I was pleasantly surprised to see the house was tastefully decorated and there wasn’t a lot of “stuff” everywhere.  The man was very nice and he has “hired” me to come back to get the house in order before his wife returns from a trip on Wednesday night.  He said he felt good about hiring me.  That was nice to hear.  I think that it will work out well…he is going to pay me $10 an hour, which is more than I would make flipping burgers.  It’s not a lot, but every little bit helps, these days.  So…the irony of this is that I really HATE cleaning my house.  My husband almost died laughing, when I told him I would be meeting with someone about cleaning their house.  And, more irony is that I will probably do a MUCH better job, cleaning someone else’s house, than I do cleaning my own.

So, that’s the GOOD news for the day.

The not-so-good-news is that I have to decide between paying our mortgage or paying the bankruptcy attorney.  We’re now almost 90 days past due on our mortgage, but we just got some letters from creditors threatening to sue…what do we do??????   It’s hell, having no money.

I woke up with puffy eyes, this morning…

because I watched the movie, Stepmom, last night, just before I went to sleep.  Now THAT is a movie that makes me glad ALL I have are financial problems.  When I watch Susan Sarandon, the mom who is dying of cancer, giving the last, special, gifts she will ever give, to her young children, it makes me cry like a baby.  For me, that is truly my worst nightmare.  Dying and leaving my sweet baby girl without the mommy who loves her more than life itself.  I AM truly thankful for every single day I have with her.  I may not have much else to be thankful for, right now, in my life, but I DO have my most amazing and wonderful daughter.

I HATE EBAY I HATE EBAY I HATE EBAY I HATE EBAY!!!

Maybe you didn’t really understand what I was so subtly trying to say.  I HATE EBAY!

The list of reasons why I hate them is becoming so long, it seems more like a book than a list.

But, today takes the cake!  I was listing something and a new message popped up, just before I finished the listing.  Here it is…

“Attention Sellers:
Dear Seller!

You may have used language in your listing that undermines the buyer experience or confidence in the eBay Marketplace. This includes the use of such terms as “deadbeat bidder” or “deadbeat buyer,” which are likely to discourage buyers from participating on eBay.

Including this type of language in your listing can prevent you from achieving eBay Top-rated seller status, or lead to your removal from the program.

*Best practice: Keep your listing friendly and professional, and only include information that will help a buyer decide what to buy and what to expect when they get the item.”

So NOW, Ebay wants to tell me how I can word my auctions…I’m not talking about profanity here!  This is just my warning to buyers…oh, yes…you know, the JOHNS…who Ebay believes are PERFECT and can do no wrong.  Yes…I’m currently dealing with THREE of those assholes buyers.  One of them “claims” that someone used her Paypal account to make purchases that were then shipped to HER address, however, she doesn’t feel the need to RETURN the items…just file an “unauthorized charge” claim with Paypal.  The second, a “new” buyer with ZERO feedback who COMPLETELY IGNORED my auction requirement that she contact me PRIOR to bidding, bid at the last minute.  I refused to sell the used item to her, because, if she’s too stupid to read and follow the FIRST sentence of my auction description, she’s too stupid to realize she’s buying something that is not new.  I can just SEE what THAT might have turned into.  But, it’s turned into a nightmare, anyway.  And, finally, a buyer claimed her item was “trashed” when she received it.  I think she wanted me to give her a huge discount, but, instead, I made her return it.  She refused to “cancel” the transaction, and filed a “not as described” claim.  She’s a lawyer, and an ASSHOLE.

I’m really really sick of being a prostitute to ebay.

I wonder if I could get a job flipping burgers?  I KNOW it would be a step up from the prostitute I have become at the hands of ebay.

I have three words I MUST use to end this post (cover your eyes, if you’re sensitive to profanity)

F U C K     Y O U    E B A Y!!!!!!!

Another bad day…

Not bad, as in specific things happening that are bad…just bad as in SAD.  I’ve been trying to get our stuff together to try to get the bankruptcy going.  We got letters threatening legal action from some of our creditors, yesterday.  :-(

So, I have to try to put a “value” on our possessions.  The reality is that our “stuff” isn’t worth much of anything to anyone but us…so how do I value it?  I think I blogged about this, earlier this year.  I haven’t resolved it and I still don’t know what to do.  The assistant in the attorneys office said, for example, that we have to list our dog and say what she’s worth.  Well…let’s see…we PAID $250 for her, as a puppy, three years ago…now, she’s 3 years old and poops and pees inside the house.  How much would YOU pay for a 3 year old dog that poops and pees in the house?  My guess would be NADA…but will that fly with the bankruptcy judge?  I don’t know…it’s the FAIR assessment, but, more and more, I realize how UNfair, most bureaucratic stuff really is.  Another example is my Casio “piano” keyboard.  It’s about 15 years old.  It cost about $1000, when I bought it, but  I saw one being offered for free, online.  So, can I say it has no value?  I don’t know…probably not.  How the hell do we put a value on our clothes?  There is NOTHING in ANY of our wardrobes that was even CLOSE to being “expensive”…I buy almost everything we wear at Target, WalMart, Sam’s or maybe Old Navy, once in a while.  My husband and I wear our clothes until they are no longer acceptable for public presentation.  Most of my husband’s pants have holes in the crotch.  How much would you pay for a pair of 3 year old pants with a hole in the crotch?  Not much, me thinks.

So…that’s “reason for bad day #1″

Now, on to “reason for bad day #2″…

I’ve been sending out messages in response to jobs that appear on Craigslist…I’ve been trying to find ANYTHING that will work with my daughter’s school schedule, or even night work.  I FINALLY got a reply from someone who was looking for a file clerk.  The message they sent to me said that, before they could set up an interview with me, they needed to know my credit score.  The message said that, a low credit score wouldn’t keep them from interviewing me, they just needed to know that I was an honest person.  WTF????

So, ok…I go to the site they recommended for my credit score.  I get it…it’s 588…according to the site, my credit score is lower than 95% of other Americans.  So, don’t *I* feel special?  :-(

I email the woman, tell her my credit score and explain that the score is recent, due to our financial situation having tanked with the economy.  I briefly explain what has happened, and that I value honesty and integrity over everything.  I say that I know many people…professional people, who I am sure will vouch for my integrity.  I name several of them and say I would be glad to send their contact info, should she wish to contact them.

Well…that was about 5 days ago…I have received no response.  :-(

I wish I had thought to mention that Bernie Madoff probably had a VERY high credit score.  :-(

Of course, I’m still hating Ebay and Paypal and they are both constant contributors to my bad days…but what the hell can I do?  I have bad credit, so I can’t get a job.  So, I have to continue to prostitute myself via being a seller on ebay.

And, finally, the IRS…another frustrating bureaucracy.  I got a letter, last week, telling me they needed another 45 days to continue to investigate our situation and make a decision.  Of course, in that letter, there was no mention of the CERTIFIED letter I had JUST received, a couple of weeks before, saying the IRS was planning to LEVY my property.  So, Uncle Sam…WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON????

There are actually a plethora of other, smaller irritations in my life…they just seem to keep piling on.  Maybe I should respond to MISS LIMERA JONTIA FROM IVORY COAST.  She sent me an email, yesterday, asking me to be her guardian and accept $10 Million American Dollars, on her behalf.  She will THEN give me 30%.  Boy!  There’s the answer to ALL my worries!  Guess I’d better go get her email out of the trash folder.

Ebay – The Meanest Pimp in Town

Ebay continues with it’s degrading treatment of sellers and the world continues to not give a you-know-what. Ebay has decided that EVERY Seller is a crook and EVERY buyer is an innocent victim. I am an honest, hardworking person.  I am kind, giving and tolerant.  I do not lie, cheat or steal.  I honor my word. I have been selling on ebay for over TEN YEARS.  They have not ALWAYS treated sellers with such disrespect.   However, every day that I deal with ebay, I understand more and more how a prostitute must feel about HER pimp. Ebay IS a pimp and they have turned me into a prostitute.  The ”john” who is the ”buyer” in this scenario, can treat me, the prostitute, any way they like….as long as my pimp, Ebay, gets their money at the end of the day. I think I need a shower…just talking about Ebay makes me feel dirty.

Ebay Is My Pimp…

Yes, in addition to all the *other* wonderful aspects of my life, I have become a prostitute. Maybe THAT is what I’m supposed to glean from this “life experience”…maybe I’m supposed to be more empathetic with prostitutes and why they do what they do.

Because our financial is so dire, and because I have had absolutely NO luck, finding “honest” employment, I have had to turn to Ebay, to try to make some money. Being 50 years old, a stay at home mom for the past 9 years, having no college degree, and being overweight, coupled with the fact that, while I have worked all my life, I haven’t worked “for the man” since the late 80′s, but instead worked outside the “system” by having my own arts/crafts business and the final nail in the coffin…I live in a college town, so there is a LOT of young, cheap and ATTRACTIVE labor to be had, I am not an “attractive” candidate for anyone. Ebay is the only “employer” in town. And, Ebay is a ruthless, heartless PIMP who takes 20% of everything I “earn”, and treats me like dirt when one of my johns “customers” has a complaint. Neither Ebay (or EVILBAY as it is lovingly known by many current and former sellers) nor Paypal (who is ONLY a “pal” to the buyer who can lie and cheat their way out of paying for items that were shipped to them by me, the lowly ho) supports the prostitute…the one who pays their ridiculously high fees (which in turn pay the salaries of their overpaid administration and executives). Anytime there is a problem, Ebay and Paypal take the stance that “the buyer is ALWAYS right”. While that works fine for Macy’s and Nordstrom’s because they have built a nice cushy overhead into their profit margin, AND because THEY are the “seller” and they are dealing with their “buyer”….EBAY IS NOT THE SELLER!!! MY CUSTOMER IS NOT EBAY’S CUSTOMER!!! *I* AM EBAY’S CUSTOMER! *I* AM PAYPAL’S CUSTOMER!!! However, because Ebay ignores me and my best interest, that has put me in the position of the PROSTITUTE. Ebay LOVES the “john” “customer” because, if the john goes somewhere else, Ebay is afraid they won’t make any money…oh…wait…what if the SELLER goes somewhere else???? Because, after all…the SELLER pays all the fees. Oh yeah, I forgot! There IS nowhere else for the seller to go because Ebay has managed to MONOPOLIZE the online auction business. Now, you should know that Ebay hasn’t ALWAYS treated it’s sellers as prostitutes. It WAS, at one time, a company who VALUED it’s sellers, as well as it’s buyers. Trust me, when I tell you that there is NO way Ebay would be as “big” as it is today, if they had always treated sellers the way they treat them now.

So, like the prostitute, I have a love/hate relationship with my pimp ebay…though, I will admit, I MOSTLY hate it. But, it’s a necessary evil for me. I MUST make some money. I have things in my home that I can sell to get money, and Ebay has a REALLY big base of johns…oh…I mean customers.

SOMETHING GOOD!!!!!

In the midst of what is probably the worst financial devastation I have ever faced, there has been a little glimmer of goodness and luck…These days, I am THRILLED with ANYTHING that even mildly RESEMBLES good luck. So, here it is…

A couple of weeks ago, I began listening to our local radio station because they were having a call in contest in anticipation of the upcoming Jonas Brothers concert. My daughter is a BIG…I might even say HUGE…Jonas Brothers fan. But, we couldn’t afford tickets to their concert. She’s been really good about understanding and “doing without”. I’ve been really proud of the maturity she’s shown with regard to our new austere lifestyle. So, I began listening to the radio, all day, every day, and trying to be the “right” caller, anytime the cue to call into the radio station came. I was the “wrong” caller, time and time again. I was the THIRD caller, several times. But, they were always searching for the TENTH caller…and I was just not ever “it”. But, I kept listening and trying.
Last Friday, when the cue to call in came, I dialed the number and was caller #2. The DJ said “try again”. Well…while I really doubted I could dial quickly enough to be caller #10, I did “try again”…the line began to ring, but that had happened to me, many times in the past. I would eventually be put on hold and finally hang up, when I heard the “correct” caller, on the radio. But, this time, the DJ answered and I said “Did you get the right caller?” to which he replied “YOU are caller #10!” WOW! So, I was now entered for a grand prize drawing that involved tickets to the concert and meet and greet passes, but, I also got a chance at another prize…could be a $25 gift certificate, some Jonas Brother’s digital downloads, a poster, or MAYBE even tickets to the concert…I had to pick a door. Door #1, #2 or #3. Well, needless to say, I’m not feeling particularly lucky, these days…but, I thought “I’ve been caller #3 a lot of times, in this contest, so I’ll choose #3″….so, I told the DJ I’d take door #3…and lo and behold! Behind door #3 were TICKETS to the Jonas Brothers concert! WOW!!!! I couldn’t believe it…I could hardly wait to tell my daughter. I called her into where the radio was playing and told her to listen. She heard my voice on the radio, and she was SO excited, when she heard me “win” the tickets to the concert. This was all on my “face the IRS” day…I blogged about it, last week.

Fast forward to this morning…the radio station was supposed to announce the grand prize winners today. I really didn’t expect to win, because I had already had what I felt was my fair share of “luck”. So, when my cell phone rang at about 9:30, and I answered to find it was someone from the radio station, I thought they had probably called to tell me how to get the tickets I had won. But, instead, the wonderful person on the other end of the line told me that they had an extra set of meet and greet passes and we could have them, if we could get to the concert early! OMG!!!! I literally started crying as I told her how wonderful this was for us and how happy it was going to make my daughter.
I got all the details, and, as soon as I hung up the phone, I went to my daughter, who was not aware of what had happened, and said “Guess who’s going to meet the Jonas Brothers?” She looked at me in a very puzzled way and quietly said “me?” And I screamed “YES!!!” She began to cry.
Dumb me…I should have video taped the whole thing, but I did grab her Flip and started taping…she said it was the first time ever, she had cried from happiness. I was crying, too.
I am just SO thankful that I can do something like this with her. I love these special moments. It is something that she will NEVER forget. These are TRULY the moments I cherish…my time with my daughter is the most important thing in the WORLD to me. And, when I do things with her, I can forget, at least for a short while, about the bill collectors, the IRS, the economy, and all of the other things that seem to weigh on my mind so constantly. I can enjoy life through HER eyes. She sees wonder in the most simple things. Things that many adults might scoff at, but I relish. If it makes HER happy, it makes ME happy. I wish I could live in a bubble with her. That would be amazing. But, I suppose, in a way…each of our special experiences is a tiny bubble…we live it, and it pops, but another comes along…thank goodness. As I’ve said before…SHE is my reason for being. I’m PROUD of that. I LOVE being a mom. It’s the best gift life has bestowed on me.

It’s official, I’m the world’s worst mother

I’m having a bad day…most of them are, unfortunately, at least lately. I just checked my bank account….only to find that an automatic payment for my husband’s student loan had posted and has now left us overdrawn by $40. So, because we are short $40, Bank of America, because they care so much, will add another $30 or so in overdraft fees to that…oh…wait! There’s a pending debit charge for some gasoline I bought the other day…so that will be TWO overdraft fees, thank you, Bank of America. I’d hate to see how you treated me, if you didn’t care.

Now to the reason I’m the world’s worst mother.

I was helping my 9 year old daughter go through some “junk” in her room. Suddenly, she asked me “Mom…are the Tooth Fairy and the Easter Bunny real?” Well, I try never to out and out lie to her, so I wiggled around, saying things like, “Well, I am not a bunny or a fairy”. She continued to push…”Mom! I WANT to know the truth!”…I continued to wiggle…I asked her what SHE thought…but, that didn’t satisfy her. I sat there, torn between fessing up and out and out lying to her…while I was thinking, she continued to tell me, emphatically, she WANTED to know the TRUTH.

So, I looked at her, took a deep breath, and said “No. No, they are not real.”

And, the look on her face almost killed me where I sat. She looked like her best friend had just died. She was devastated. She started crying, saying it was because she felt bad that she had made me buy “all that stuff” for Easter and tooth loss. I know that may have been part of it, but, I also know that she was really sad to know the truth. She came over to hug me and I told her not to feel bad about the “stuff”…we WANTED to do it…it was fun. I told her I thought she sort of knew already. But, she said “No, I just wanted you to tell me it was real.” That breaks my heart. I destroyed her fantasy, trying to do the right thing.

The one and only important thing in my life is my darling daughter. I love her more than anything. My only sense of accomplishment…of being “good” at something…is my raising of her…teaching her to be a good, kind and honest human being. And, I know it won’t scar her for life, but I’m so sad that I was the one to bust her bubble. So, now, in addition to everything else I have for my pity party…I can hate myself for telling her there’s no Tooth Fairy or Easter Bunny. Thank GOD she didn’t ask about Santa Clause.

Life’s a bitch…then you die.

Seeing we’re in a recession and all…

Desperate times call for desperate measures…

I’m an Apple Fanatic. I’m not a “fashionista”. I don’t buy Apple products because they’re “pretty” or “trendy”. While I do APPRECIATE good design, I tend to be more pragmatic in my buying decisions. Apple products WORK! No “blue screen of death” or hardware incompatibility problems. No “Mr. Softie” watching over your shoulder, telling you how many times you can reinstall your operating system before you hit a brick wall. No constant questions about whether you want to do something.

And, while I’m up on my soapbox…MACS ARE NOT MORE EXPENSIVE THAN PC’S, IF YOU COMPARE THEM E Q U A L L Y!!!! Now folks, that is a CRITICAL word….EQUALLY. What I want to say is that you must compare “Apples to Apples”…but that might make me seem even *more* biased. LOL So, when you look at all the technical specs…yes, there are cheaper “PC’s” out there, but saying a Mac is more expensive and then comparing a $500 PC laptop with a $1500 Mac is like comparing a Hyundai to a Porsche. And, to further inform…Apple now has MacBooks for UNDER $1000 and, rumor is there’s a tablet (think “netbook”) on the way, in the fall.

Listen to the Apple naysayers, if you choose, but, I promise you, and I’ve believed this for over TWENTY years…once you’ve tried Mac, you’ll NEVER go back. And, the fact that NOW you can actually run WINDOWS on your Mac…well…there goes THAT argument.

Now…all that being said, and considering the current state of MY financial life, as well as the sad state of the economy in general…I learned of a contest in which you can win an Acer laptop computer…unfortunately, the laptop uses the Windows (or Windoze, as I like to call it) operating system, but free is free…if you win it, you can do with it as you please (I’m thinking Craigslist) he he he…

You can check it out
HERE…and HERE, which is a blog called Mom to the Screaming Masses (I like that name), and HERE, which is a blog called Deb On the Rocks (like that one, too)…as well as a bunch of other places. You can post an entry on a total of NINE different blogs! 9 chances to win! And, if you Tweet or blog, you can get even MORE entries…you could spend the entire month just entering this contest!

The contest runs through the end of August.

Good luck!

My worst nightmare…the IRS

You know…I hear people talking about how they’ve owed money to the IRS for YEARS and still haven’t paid…I see things on tv about CONGRESSMEN and rich people who are JUST having to “settle up” with the IRS, after years and years of not doing so.

Again…those things don’t even *closely* resemble my experience.  Today, I got a certified letter from the IRS telling me that if I didn’t pay them within 30 days, they would levy my property.  Now, don’t be fooled…about the only property we have left are the cars we drive and our home.  We don’t have a retirement or investment account…those were used up many months ago…we don’t have any savings…that’s been used, as well.  I’ve responded to every single letter the IRS has sent to me, in great detail, explaining our situation.  Explaining the fact that my husband doesn’t get a paycheck during the summer and that we don’t know how we’re going to pay our mortgage, electric bill and pay for food.  I’ve explained that we ARE planning to declare Chapter 13 bankruptcy…but we have to find some money to pay the attorney, and, since we have NO INCOME in the summer, we can’t “save” anything for that.  His paychecks will begin, again, in another month.  But the letter we just received gives us until Sept 3 to do something.  I called the bankruptcy attorney, but she’s so busy, she can’t even see us for an “emergency” meeting until Sept 1.  I don’t know what to do…I don’t have anywhere to turn or anyone to turn to.  I DO have life insurance…sometimes…just for a few seconds…I think it would just be better if I died…but, then, I think of my sweet baby girl, who I adore, and who adores me…she’s such a momma’s girl…I don’t know how she could survive.  Oh, I know she *would* survive, if anything happened to me, but I think it would scar her, pretty deeply.  So, while that would be an easy way for *me*…it would be horrible for her and for my husband.  So, I put aside that selfish way of thinking…and I’m back to square one…I don’t know what to do.

I wish I was pretty.  I wish I was young.  Then, I could start a porn site and make tons of money.   Or, someone would want to hire me, even for the most simple job.  I wish I didn’t feel like such a loser who can’t do anything.  I’m 50, I’m overweight, my skin is bad, my teeth are bad and I pretty much hate myself.  You know…it really doesn’t make me feel any better to write those words than it would make me feel to say them, or than it makes me feel to think them.  I feel like I have no hope.

I’ve been thinking about the possibility of calling the one person I know who *might* have money they could lend to me, but I just don’t know if I can do it.  I know that, by doing so, I would irreparably damage the friendship we have had.  So, I try to put that thought aside, though it stays there, in the back of my head.  What’s the saying?  ”Desperate times call for desperate measures.”?   Let me put it this way…I WOULD sell my kidney or my body, if anyone wanted it, but I am beyond certain that no one wants either one.  I hate living every day of my life worried about how I’m going to pay the basic bills…not the credit card bills…those are now moot and not even up for consideration.  I’ve had to realize that.

I started to write that “the worst thing” about this…but there are so MANY “worst” things about all of this…so, I should say, ONE of the worst things is that I kept paying all those credit card bills…I kept paying house payments on the house we couldn’t sell…I kept sucking us dry, trying to keep up and hoping things would turn around.  And, now, we have virtually NOTHING left but we’re in the situation I was trying so desperately to avoid, except worse.  I hate myself.